Bashful Brides: Chinese Customs Advice

As you can read here and here, I am what some may call a "rebel bride". The truth is, I am just a "modern bride".

While I acknowledged the fact that there are some chinese customs and traditions that I can't run away from, I try my best to stay away as much as possible from from those that that are performed out of superstitious beliefs.

My mom being one born at the end of WWII, requested for a whole long list of things to be done. But when asked about the meaning behind each and every item on the list, the answer is almost always the same --- "It's like that one. Everybody does it. Just do it"

Perhaps it is education, or perhaps it is just the rebel in me again. When my mom couldn't address my issues, I went to the experts. I visited Cadeau Souvenirs .

Initially, the purpose of my visit was to look for a nice 'chinese teapot set' for my mom in law to be used during 'tea ceremony'

In the traditional Chinese marriage ceremony, both the bride and groom kneel in front of their parents and serve them tea. That is a way to express their gratitude.The parents will usually drink a small portion of the tea and then give them a red envelope, which symbolizes good luck. Another variant is for the to-be daughter-in-law to serve tea to her to-be parents-in-law, symbolizing that she is to become a part of the latter's family.

As it is the first marriage for the family of my husband to be, they intend to buy a new teapot set for future use as well. My mom on the other hand, planned to use the same teapot set she used for my elder sister's wedding (which was my mom's very own teapot set used during her own wedding). For simplicity and convenience, we decided that each family should have their own teapot set for tea ceremony.

How glad I was that I paid a visit to Winnie, the owner of Cadeau Souvenirs for if I did not, I would have made a BIG BOO BOO!!!

There should only be ONE teapot set used for BOTH tea ceremonies !!!

The tea pot set used in the tea ceremony in the bride's house should follow the bride to the groom's house and be used in the groom's side tea ceremony as well as it signifies that the bride has brought her luck and wealth and all things good into the groom's family.

My mom's very own teapot set which was used for my sister's wedding is considered my mom handing down her own luck and wealth and all things good to her beloved eldest daughter and cannot be re-used again. Therefore I will need to buy only ONE teapot set to replace my mom's and be used at both families' tea ceremony.

NOW WHO WOULD HAVE KNOWN ALL THESE??!!!

Winnie enlightened me on so many levels and I thank her so much for all the information that she gave me. She made things so easy to understand and acceptable and convenient for today's Brides to Be.

She only insist on THREE (3) chinese customs to observe for modern days marriage :

(1) Betrothal of Gifts & Dowry

"Betrothal also known as "Guo Ta Lai" is one of the important event in the Chinese Wedding. In fact without this, the custom is considered invalid. This gesture has a meaning to prove the sincerity towards the marriage between the binding of two families and promises of taking care of the Bride.

These gifts are a treasured part of the wedding process for traditional Chinese families. As the Chinese consider the bride a gift to the groom, the wedding gifts are traditionally given by the groom's family to the bride's family in return for raising the bride to marriageable age and to "compensate" them for this service.

It comprises of gifts and cash delivered to the bride's home by the groom. Of which the bride's family will accept and return half to avoid giving the impression of "selling" their daughter."

Winnie explained that this is a very simple ceremony whereby the groom's family presents the bride's family with some customary gifts (which are prepacked for convenience) and therefore she does not see any reason to skip the ceremony.

On the same day, the Bride's family shall return the following gifts i.e DOWRY which signifies the Bride's family's generosity to the Groom's family to bring home :

(1) The Tan Tong (痰桶), a 4-piece or 5-piece gift set comprising a mug, a saucer, a basin, a bath basin and a potty, and placed together with oranges, longans, sugar and dried dates. This is gift is believed to bless the couple with children and grandchildren.

(2) A red ruler to symbolise “fertility” in Chinese culture in both wealth and offspring.

(3) Red bed linen, which is believed to keep the couple in love and drive away bad luck

(4) A pair of shoes to represents the couple aging gracefully together

(5) "Happiness sugar", to represent sweetness in marriage

(6) 2 bowls with dragon and phoenix motifs, and 2 sets of chopsticks, to be used by the couple to eat dessert on the their new bed, on the wedding day.

(2) Setting the Bridal Bed

Winnie explained that this is quite important as it signifies "yi sik" or literally translated as "clothes and food". It means that the newly weds will be able to make enough to live a simple happy life ever after.

Bed setting up should be done at the home of the newly weds where they intend to settle down and build their family together. The bed setting up is signify by the changing of new RED bed sheet.

Thereafter, the 'bed setup' set containing all the necessary customary items (which are also prepacked for convenience) are placed in the middle of the bed and shall not be disturbed until the day of the wedding.

After the dowry is sent to the groom’s family or the couple’s new home, the groom’s family invites a respected female relative or friend to "set the bridal bed" at the new home. This is known as An Chuang, and the event takes place between one week and three days before the wedding day. Traditionally, a young boy will also sleep in the bridal bed on the eve of the wedding day. This is believed to bring the blessing of fertility to the newlyweds.