Step By Step Guide for DIY Bride to Be

Sooo he's finally popped the question and you said yes! What next?? This is the general step by step guide for every DIY Bride-to-Be !

(1) Inform the parents & get information to plan and work out your budget 

As much as I hate to say this, it IS inevitable that the parents want to have a say in their children's wedding regardless of who is paying the bill. And when their needs and requests are not adhered to, they go beserk. So inform them that you plan to get married and see what they say and make sure you touch on the subjects like :

• How many friends they want to invite i.e. estimated no of tables required
• Do they want to combine the banquet for both families or separate ones
• Are they offering to pay the bill or sponsor part of it or not sponsoring at all - this will be important for you to work out your budget
• Do they prefer restaurant food (which tastes better and more value for money and mostly non halal) or hotel food (which is more expensive, halal but more presentable to guests). This will depend on the type of guests that you and your parents intend to invite as well. 
• Do they want to have a traditional sit down dinner with 8 course meal or are they bold enough to have buffet style or western style dinner ? This is also important to work out your budget.

This is to manage the expectations of all parties so there will be no surprises later on. And trust me, there will be some hiccups along the way especially if both parties want to have a say and do not want to compromise. After the discussion, work out :

• the budget - while it is a practice that the guests will come with a red packet in hand, do not prepare your budget expecting them. Remember, a wedding is a celebration of your union with your loved one and the wedding banquet is your way of celebrating your union with your friends and family. So do not expect your guests to subsidize your wedding. This will guide you to spend within your means - so add up both your savings and sponsorship from parents (if any) and budget accordingly from thereon. Trust me, it is better to end up with a positive cashflow instead of a negative one after the wedding. And if you end up being in the positive, congratulations! you can spend the excess on honeymoon ! :)
• the number of tables or pax required
• draft the list of guests - trust me, it is not too early. You will realise that after drafting the list, the initial estimated number of tables will change as you would probably over or under provided for the friends and family

(2) Choose your dates

From your discussion in (1), you will be able to find out if your parents belong to the following category : 

(a) The simple kind that just want a tea ceremony followed by banquet to treat their friends 

(b) The traditional kind that want to 'choose an auspicious date' and request for 'betrothal of gifts' and 'fetch the bride session'

(c) The super hip, cool and modern ones that supports destination weddings in let's say,  Bali

If they are type (b), that will mean that you will have to let them dictate your wedding dates and wait for them to choose the dates for you.

If they are type (a) and (c) or any other kind for that matter, CONGRATULATIONS! You may choose your own wedding dates !! Do choose dates that are meaningful to both of you as you will want to make it a memorable one. :)

The PLURAL in 'date' is not a grammar mistake. You need to have a few date options so that you can give the restaurant and/or hotel a few dates when you enquire on their availability. If your parents are type (b), it is very likely that the venues have been booked in advance by other couples already on an 'auspicious date'. So always have a few date options and rank them according to your preference (or your parents' preference as the case may be) so that you can move on from option 1 to option 2 to option 3 and so on if the previous options are taken. 

(3) Book Your Venue

From (1), you should be able to gauge the number of tables that is required for your wedding dinner. Next thing to do is to find out the number of tables that each venue can accommodate.

Less than 40 tables

CONGRATULATIONS !! Most restaurant and/or hotels can accommodate 40 tables. So you are spoilt for choices. Choose one that fits your budget and tastes.

More than 40 tables

If you have about 80 - 100 tables, there are only that few venues to choose from. While you may not be spoilt for choices, this is a blessing in disguise as you only need to enquire from that few venues which saves so much more of your time. Choose one that fits your budget and tastes.

If you are so unlucky that the chosen venue is not available on any of the dates chosen in (2), you will have no choice but to work backwards i.e. get a list of dates that the venue is available and choose one. 


Again, if your parents are type (b), give the list to them and let them choose one and be done with it. Do not dwell on it anymore to save yourself from headache and heartache.

(4) Book your vendors & Send out save the date notifications

Now that you know when and where your wedding will be held, it is time to book your vendors. The most exciting part of wedding planning (to me at least) :)

Good vendors are almost always booked in advance by others so always have a few options for each vendor category (Photographer, Videographer, Make Up Artist etc) so that you can move on from one vendor to another quickly if the first choice is booked.

How to save time on choosing vendors?? 

• Always do homework online first before sending your enquiries online. Only enquire if you like their work. Do not waste time enquiring unless their work is acceptable to you.
• If a vendor is within your budget but not available, forget it and move on. 
• If a vendor is available, but out of your budget, forget about it and move on again.
• If a vendor is available, within your budget but has 'anal' terms and conditions and your communication with him/her has been less than pleasant, forget about it and move on again as you do not want suffer any heart ache and head ache from engaging anal vendors.
• If a vendor is available, within your budget, gives you good vibes and does not have bad reviews/feedbacks which you can find online, do consider a meeting. Do not arrange for meeting unless you are quite sure of engaging them. 
• Bring along some cash/cheque in case you would like to engage them after speaking and discussing with them as you do not want to lose this one after going through so many others who are either not available, out of your budget, had bad reviews and/or anal.

Also, do not forget to send out save the date invites once you know when and where the wedding will be held. With air asia crazy promotions these days, you will want to contain the damage it will have on your guests turn out at your wedding. Trust me, even sending out save the date invites 12 months in advance doesn't save you from the wrath of air asia promotions. There will bound to be some casualties. But at least, your close friends will definitely be there for you.  

(5) Draw up a timeline

After engaging the vendors, do draw up a timeline and mark your calenders and set reminders on the dates where you need to follow up on your gown fittings, invitation printings, nails appointment, hair appointments, etc. Always set reminders in your handphone so that you will not miss out anything major.

Also, make it a point to complete a task every weekend. That way, you will not be pressed for time and go crazy nearer to the wedding date. 

This is especially important if you are one whose workload is unpredictable. Take advantage of the 'free time' and complete as many task as you can every week for you may not be able to do so later on when work does not permit. And if you so happen to complete all the tasks way before the wedding, all the better for you can just chill and enjoy the ride. :)